So anyway, Friday I worked short hours... I started 40 minutes late because a giant truck was blocking Corbett and my first bus couldn't get past. I was standing at Barbur waiting for the light to change so I could get to my bus stop across the street when my second bus went past. And then call volume dropped down in the late afternoon (after being super high all day, and all fucking week) and they were asking for volunteers to go home early and I was like OH GOD OH PLEASE YES. Normally I wouldn't, cuz I like the money, but with Eli coming in I figured what the hell.
Eli showed up and we went to Koji for Happy-Hour cheap sushi, appetizers, and beer before grabbing some cash and a bus and heading downtown. Chris caught me on the phone briefly and told me more stories about her awesome new stunt-team friends, and how they did an unrated show late at night at the Pirate Festival (pirates pole-dancing, WHOOHOO) and how she's learning bullwhip, which is fucking awesome.
We got off the bus early because we felt like walking. Oh man, Portland on a Friday night in August in the red light district. Wow. We walked past a gogo girl dancing in a window, walked past the gay club and the hentai club and waded through the giant crowd that's always lined up blocking the sidewalk outside of Voodoo Donut, at any hour. Finally we were at Dante's. There was a $15 cover that we waffled over, but we shrugged and paid it. It was waaaayyy more crowded than the last time, but oh well. Dar and I stood by the tiny bathrooms while Eli fought his way to the bar to get us some drinks. I was speculating about whether I should get a Jack and Coke, and this guy walking past stops, turns around, and sidles up next to us all, *shifty eyes* "Did you say coke?" We both kind of gave him this blank, disbelieving stare before going, "NOT THAT KIND OF COKE," and he shuffled off again. Eli came back and we managed to get ourselves a corner to sit in with my Jack and Coke, Dar's Tequila Sunrise, and Eli's vodka tonic. We spent some time taking in the scene, bobbing our heads to the house music, Eli checking out chicks and Dar tying her cherry stems in knots. We watched on the flatscreen as a white chick came onto the stage in the other room, wearing giant shades, a t-shirt, and a pink crinoline over tights- and started rapping. Through the walls and the bar area we couldn't hear anything she was saying, couldn't even hardly hear her voice except for occasional high-pitched, chihuahua-like yapping over the base, but it was kind of amusingly terrifying to watch her chicken-strut across the stage and flip the crinoline up to shake her ass at the crowd. We debated for a while about whether we wanted to go into the next room and hear what she was saying, but eventually morbid curiosity took over.
We stood in a little cluster near the corner of the stage, next to the bar, and stared in gape-mouthed horrified fascination as "Saucy Yoda" continued to strut and squeak. Being able to hear better was not an improvement, except that now we could laugh at the horrible lyrics, and the amazing irony when she started singing about how she was a piece of garbage. Another dude came on with a guitar and joined her for a song called, "Fuck the FBI" which was just about as retarded as the rest of her repertoire, but the guitar-simulated jacking-off noise was actually kinda funny (THWACKA THWACKA THWACKA THWACKA THWACKA). ...It was round about this point when we decided we needed more drinks. I got a vodka tonic this time, Dar got a vodka cranberry. Eli had had multiple drinks by this point. I had to drink it down a bit immediately, so I didn't spill it all on my shoes... Dante's fills it up to the very top, and surface tension just doesn't cut it when you're drunk and wearing high heels and people are bumping into you (Dude stumbles into me, lifts his drink; "I'm drunk!" he says, by way of apology and explanation; Dude stumbles off again). Saucy Yoda gets off the fucking stage finally, and House DJ dude puts on every nasty, sex-oriented hip-hop song he knows, which was fun. So soon my drunken ass is dancing around and I'm singing along to every word of "Magic Stick" and "My Neck, My Back", to the surprise of Dar and Eli (Eli: "You're a little bit less Asian now!" ...apparently I'm the most Asian white chick he knows. -_-;; ).
And then the go-go dancers came out all scantily clad in their calf-length platform boots, and climbed up onto the little dancing platforms which we hadn't noticed before. One of which was almost directly over our heads. So we had a front-row view of one of the girls. She was hot, she had a nice ass, and she was a good dancer (she's very bendy, WOW), which I am just gay enough to appreciate. And I was drunk. So that was fun. The black chick across the room was pretty hot too. I gave Dar my drink and stood up on my tippy-toes and slid a dollar onto our girl's platform, and got to watch her pick it up all sexy and stick it into her boot. ...So I have now tipped a go-go dancer. This is life goal I didn't even know I had until I checked it off the list. I feel fulfilled. ...Dar tipped her too. ^_^ I also thought hell, that actually wouldn't be a bad job... you get paid to go to a party and dance for several hours. The only real downside is the uncomfortable shoes.
...And the fact that you have to dance, even if the music sucks. Which it did, as soon as Dirt Nasty and Andre Legacy, the main act, came onto the stage. More white people rapping, whoo. Their music at least had a danceable beat, but holy crap. "Cracka-ass Fantastic" I actually found kind of amusing, in it's tongue-in-cheek, self-deprecating way. We were very disappointed when what sounded like "Blow Up My Dick" turned out to be "Blow Off My Dick", and was about doing coke off someone's junk, instead of the more entertaining concept of emasculating explosions. Then there was "Animal Lover", oh God. The chorus went, "I'm an animal lover, and I never use a rubber." About the time they asked us, "Have you ever fucked a falcon?" my jaw fell off my face (OH GOD LAUREN, I'M SO SORRY). Eventually we couldn't take it anymore and we fled screaming. Literally.
And then we kept screaming, because we were very very drunk, and felt the need to discuss everything as loudly as possible, with much giggling. We went to Voodoo Donut and got a huge box of Bacon Maple and Tang and Cock-and-Balls. Eli immediately grabbed the box and started trying to sell them. We fled across downtown Portland at high speed going who the fuck knows where, yelling at each other. At some point Eli picked me up and carried me piggy-back for several blocks, which was awesome. We spotted a park and were like, "LET'S GO SIT!", so we crossed the street and collapsed on a park bench. In short order this scrawny white kid and his scrawny brown-skinned friend sat down across from us. Eli bummed a smoke from him, and we listened to him tell us outrageous stories about how he had committed numerous felons and was on the run from the cops. Martial arts came up and he challenged me to a fight. I didn't really want to, but I got as far as taking off my shoes before Eli took him on instead. They grappled for a bit and no one got hurt, so that was good. At some point we got off and wandered off, with white kid yelling after us. Or me, rather. "YOU HAVE A NICE ASS!" "Thanks! I do, actually!" "I COULD TAP THAT!" "...I'm never going to see you again, bye!"
We spotted a taxi and I waved it down, but it pulled over on the wrong side of the street so we had to run over to it. This dude on a bike goes whizzing past and yells at us, "YOU COULD'VE BEEN KILLED!! D:< " ...Wtf?! I mean, I know we were drunk, but we actually looked both ways (on a one-way street no less) before crossing, and the cars were like a block away. We pile into the taxi and the cabbie commiserates with us over asshole bikers. It was pretty funny. We talked very loudly about things in the backseat... man, it must be fun to be a cabbie on a weekend night. Drunks are hilarious.
We stumbled back into the apartment without making too much noise, and flailed around being silly for a bit before getting ready for bed. Eli wanted to watch TV before sleep, so he and I cuddled up together on the couch and spooned and watched the first ep of The Mighty Boosh. Suzette sat on our legs and licked herself, and Eli made cute and funny drunken mumbly commentary ("What's up with that guy's hair? Ha ha, I love their accents~!") before passing the fuck out halfway through. I let the episode finish up before sneaking off to my own bed, managing only to spill a little water on my bed and floor. -_-;;
Saturday was lazy. We hung around and had breakfast, then went to Burger King and picked up Lauren, then hung around a bit some more. Eli and Lauren and I got in his car and drove all the way over to the Pearl for milkshakes at Elephant's. Eli failed at doing what I told him to so we went the wrong way on the highway trying to come back, and ended up circumnavigating Portland. We got back and the three of us de-virginized my copy of The Dark Knight. Then Lauren and I had a Plot Plot Scheme Scheme session for Aphelion while Dar grilled buffalo burgers and Eli kept her company. Dinner was buffalo burgers, peas and corn, little crispy potato chip thingies, and rainbow chard with lemon juice, olive oil, and pepper. Delicious. Eli and I took Lauren home then swung by Blockbuster, picking up Burn After Reading. After he and Dar and I watched it, Dar went to clean her room and Eli and I spent some time YouTubing. Then Eli went to sleep and I went and read aloud to Dar for a bit.
Today we woke up really late, to Eli's dismay... apparently he only ever sleeps 6 hours. He wanted salmon lox and bagels, so I pointed him at a grocery store and went to take a shower. We had breakfast at, like, 1 in the afternoon, then zoomed off to see the G.I. Joe movie. It was fairly harmless entertainment, with tons of random actors in it. We quite enjoyed it, for all that it was total fluff. Eccles was fabulous as usual, bless his creepiness and Scottish accent and evil and sharp suits and adorable giant ears. And adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in it, to our pleased surprise. Afters we went to Tutto Bene and had gelatto and Italian sodas.
Eli's taken off, and I've spent the evening being a complete slug, hanging out on the couch and poking around on LJ. My weekend's almost over, *sob*. And argh I need to do laundry.
Tomorrow Lauren and I will go to see Moon! :DD